The Exit Interview is Too Late
Last year, after more than 20 years with the same regional bank, we made the tough decision to switch.
Changing banks is a hassle — automatic payments are already set up, accounts are linked, account numbers are memorized, and more. But I had grown increasingly irritated these past few years by things like the out-of-network ATM fees, the inability to set up free checking for my kids, and the lackluster customer service.
So, after a lot of discussion, we pulled the plug and moved over to a national bank, one with all the high-end services one could want. No ATM fees! Free checks and wires! Free checking accounts for my children! They even assigned us a private banker who calls me to check in — on the phone!!!
Once we were up and running at the new place, I walked into our old bank to shut things down. Guess what? Now they were really interested in what I cared about — the sneaky fees, the lousy service… everything. Finally, the bank manager asked: Is there anything we can do to keep you as a client?
It was the right question, but it was the wrong time. By then, I was already out the door, first mentally, then physically. I’ve never looked back.
Being Proactive Matters
This same kind of thing happens all the time in organizations. Leaders discover that their star employee is unhappy, disengaged, or unfulfilled… but not until they offer their resignation. At that point, last-ditch efforts to convince them to stay almost always fail.
Top performers don’t disengage or “quit quietly” overnight. It creeps in gradually, with people like Ryan, who worked overtime and weekends to hit an important deadline, only to have his efforts go unnoticed. Or when he was asked to take on more responsibility when his co-worker left, but received no promotion, no pay increase, and not even recognition that he stepped up when needed.
Unfortunately, many managers assume “no news is good news,” misinterpreting silence as satisfaction. It’s not. When my coaching clients respond to my questions about staff development by saying things like, If my people were unhappy, I’d know, experience suggests they may be overlooking a future resignation in the works.
How to Intentionally Invest
Good people always have options; you can’t afford to have your top-performing and high-potential talent walk out the door. The good news is you can anticipate and earn enough relationship capital to make these stars think twice about leaving. Some suggestions…
Give Them a Future They Can See
Your people need a compelling reason to stay before they start looking elsewhere, something that doesn’t happen once a year in an annual review or a rushed 1:1. Instead, the discussions need to occur in the form of regular, intentional development conversations (and yes, more frequently than you think).
These conversations send important signals: I see you, I care about your professional growth, there’s a future for you here. Make sure you know the answers to these questions:
What’s working in your current role?
Where do you get to do your best work?
What makes you want to stay at our organization?
What, if anything, might tempt you to leave?
What would make this role a “hell yes” for the next year?
Build the Relationship Before You Need It
Maybe you’ve heard the old saying: People don’t leave companies, they leave bosses.
It’s true. When someone is deciding whether to leave, it’s not usually just about compensation or title. Instead, they are wondering things like: Does my boss care about me as a person, beyond my role and performance? Do I feel seen and known here? Are my efforts appreciated?
Strong relationships are built on trust — the “I have your back” kind of trust. This doesn’t grow out of one “big” conversation… it happens over repeated, consistent moments. And it doesn’t cost you anything other than your deliberate attention.
It looks like:
Checking in about life outside of work
Giving them your undivided attention (hint: put your phone away)
Scheduling (and not canceling) your regular 1:1 check-ins
When an employee’s relationship with their manager is strong, they are far more likely to tell you what is really going on and stay, even when the going gets tough.
Make Their Contributions Visible
To me, a lack of recognition is especially tragic, because it is so easy to fix! It doesn’t have to be complicated or cost money, provided it’s timely, specific, and sincere.
Hearing “great job” is nice, but it rarely sticks. Compare that to, The plan you presented covered every concern and offered creative solutions we hadn’t considered. Now the person feels seen and knows exactly what you value about their work (and what to keep doing).
Recognition offered in this way builds confidence and strengths. Research shows it also taps into something deeper than financial rewards by reinforcing meaning and helping people see the connection between their contribution and the company or team’s mission.
Spend More Time Coaching Than Directing
It’s almost always faster to tell people exactly what to do, or even just do it yourself. When I encourage leaders to coach more, I often use the example of teaching a child to tie their own shoelaces. Sure, it’s faster and easier in the moment to do it for them. But eventually, you’ll have a six-year-old who still can’t tie their shoes (or was that just me?), something that robs them of the thrill of being self-sufficient.
The same goes for those on your team. The more they learn to do on their own — through your coaching — the more you can focus on other, higher value things. Plus, in addition to the eventual gains in efficiency, a coaching approach builds capability and confidence among your staff.
Instead of jumping in with solutions, develop the habit of first asking one or two thoughtful questions:
What have you tried so far?
What other options do you see?
What would success look like?
What support do you need from me?
This shifts the work from you to them, and in the best possible way. Your people will learn to think more independently, make better decisions, and develop the self-assurance to handle increasingly complex challenges. That sounds like growth to me!
And from a pure retention perspective, when people feel trusted to think and contribute at a higher level, they are far more engaged in their work and much more likely to stay put.
You Don’t Need Better Exit Interviews
The problem with exit interviews is that while they may give you insight into how to manage your remaining employees better, you’ve likely already lost the person sitting across the table.Sadly, much of what you learn from them was knowable weeks or months earlier, had you only taken the time to ask.
With that in mind, think of one person on your team you can’t afford to lose. Don’t wait for their resignation letter to find out what they need; ask them now, while you still have the chance to shape what comes next.