Listen to Learn, Not Judge
“But I am listening!” As executive coaches, we’ve heard this when a leader’s 360 feedback indicates employees don’t feel heard. So, where’s the disconnect? This post will cover how leaders can improve listening skills for better results and less miscommunication.
LIMITING THE TENDENCY TO JUDGE
Have you ever had someone focus only on your words and ignore your underlying feelings? They seem focused on the letter of the law but not the spirit. As a result, so much important information is being left on the table. When leaders only pay surface-level attention to the words, they miss the emotional tone, body language, and context. This surface-level listening can leave employees feeling misunderstood, disconnected, and disengaged.
In comparison, active listening is trying to understand the other person. For example, a physician who had recently moved to industry described a recent moment of self-awareness. In her previous role, “Paula” realized that she had actively listened to patients to glean information. She tried to make sense of the meaning behind the words coming out of their mouths. The “a-ha” was when she recognized that was not how she listened to her new team members. Paula had unintentionally switched to a “listen to evaluate” style. Although she heard every word, she focused on answering the employee’s question, ending the conversation, and moving on with her day. Paula had fallen out of the habit of reading emotional tone and subtext.
Paula is not alone. Many people tend to quickly judge a situation rather than examine it through another person’s eyes. Surface-level listening makes sense in many work situations. But high-quality active listening is the most effective tactic when employees need to be heard. Situations where employees especially need to be heard include when they are:
Facing change and uncertainty
Dealing with a tricky or emotionally-charged situation
Trying to deliver a difficult message
Raising an issue you want them to handle independently
Looking for development and coaching
THE POWER OF ACTIVE LISTENING
Think about the last time you felt like someone was really listening to you. What did you appreciate about that interaction? In our workshops, people tell us they:
had the undivided attention of the person
got to say what was on their mind in full
felt the person cared about their perspective
felt supported working through a challenge
Active listening is when the focus is entirely on what the other person is saying verbally and non-verbally (and sometimes, what they’re not saying!). The leader is present enough to hear the employee’s concerns without offering a solution or passing judgment. They can put aside assumptions, “been there, done that” experiences, and personal agendas. Instead, the leader stays in the learning zone. With a curiosity mindset, the other person has a chance to share their thinking.
LEADERSHIP RESULTS ONE CONVERSATION AT A TIME
Focused listening helps leaders coach people for better decision-making, problem-solving, and confidence. As a result, these bosses are more credible and more in touch with the business. In addition, having a manager who listens is a top driver of employee engagement and well-being. A moment of deliberate attention pays off dividends!
As a busy leader, active listening may be challenging, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. If you want to become a trusted, respected, well-informed leader with an engaged, talented team, then active listening is a top-priority skill to strengthen.
Author: Cathleen Swody