The Blind Spots Blocking Your Progress
The Power of Noticing
Last month, I was making a birthday dinner for my husband while hobbling around on a broken foot (don’t ask — long, dog-related story). As I shuffled around the kitchen, my son John, who was home for the celebration, asked, "Mom, do you need some help?"
I gave my standard response: "No, I've got it."
But John, who is an Enneagram 8 and not known for letting things slide, pushed back: "Why are you doing everything yourself?” Then he followed up with a more pointed question: “Why won’t you let anyone help you?”
Busted! We both laughed in that knowing way. “I’m doing that thing I do, again!”
For me, it’s a classic Enneagram 2 pattern: I’m quite happy offering help, just not so good at receiving it.
But once I realized what I was doing, I stopped. I sat down and let my kids bring everything I needed to me. What a relief!
They Are Called “Blind Spots” For a Reason
But don’t worry, blind spots are not a character flaw; they are just part of being human. The problem is that to the extent these patterns exist, they quietly shape our decisions, our relationships, and our leadership.
When I refuse help, it doesn't just affect me. It sends a message to the people around me that I don't need them (soooo not my intention). A leader who always has the answer may shut down innovation. A leader who avoids conflict may create frustration for everyone else. A leader driven only by achievement may make others feel they can never measure up.
I remember one leader I worked with wincing as he read comments about his tendency toward humble bragging, the transactional feel of his one-on-ones, and his inability to share a single personal fact that showed he was actually human, not just exceptional. As uncomfortable as it was, that feedback became his turning point.
The challenge is that these patterns don't feel like patterns when we're running them. They feel reasonable, just common sense. So we assume everyone sees the world in the same way (hint: they don’t).
And since we can't see the patterns driving our behavior, we often spend our energy looking everywhere else for the source of the problem: a difficult employee, a disengaged team, a lack of accountability, poor communication.
Sometimes that's true. But often, the thing creating the frustration is much closer to home, i.e., the call is coming from inside the house!
The moment we notice a recurring reaction, assumption, or story we've been running, the old patterns loosen. Awareness doesn't solve everything, but it does create more choice.
What Can Leaders Do?
If you want to uncover your blind spots and increase your self-awareness, here are three places to start…
#1. Seek Out Specific Feedback
Most of us receive clues about our blind spots long before we're ready to hear them. The key is to get beyond vague comments and ask for examples.Instead of asking, "How am I doing?", try asking:
"What is one thing I do that gets in my way?"
"What is a behavior you wish I would do less often?"
"What is something I may not realize about how I come across?"
The goal isn't to collect criticism and beat yourself up. It's to identify patterns that don’t serve you.
#2. Watch Yourself in Action
One of the most revealing (and brave) things a leader can do is watch a recording of themselves.
Record yourself presenting. Play back a virtual meeting. Pay attention to how much airtime you take, whether you interrupt, your facial expressions, your body language, how often you say "I" versus "we," and how you respond when challenged.
It can be uncomfortable. Correction: it will be uncomfortable.
But some of the behaviors that most influence how others experience us — our executive presence, our communication style, the way we show up in a room — can have a far greater impact than we realize. Once we notice them, they don’t have quite the same power to derail us.
#3. Learn Your Most Common Patterns
This is one of the many reasons I love the Enneagram — it helps us understand the unconscious motivations, assumptions, and habits that drive our behavior. While most personality tools focus on what we do, the Enneagram helps us understand why we do it.
My tendency to refuse help didn't appear out of nowhere. It's connected to a deeper pattern. As an Enneagram 2, I'm wired to notice what others need and jump in to help. The shadow side of that gift is pride and the desire to be indispensable.
Twos can become so focused on caring for others that we forget we have needs, too. We can be very comfortable being the helper, but surprisingly uncomfortable being helped. I've learned that asking for support can feel vulnerable, even when it's exactly what I need most.
The Enneagram shines a light on the places where our greatest strengths can become liabilities:
The leader who values harmony… but avoids difficult interactions.
The leader who inspires others… but dominates conversations.
The leader who achieves extraordinary results… but struggles to connect with people.
When you begin to understand the patterns you're most likely to run, you'll start noticing them EVERYWHERE. That allows you to be more aware of autopilot behaviors and make intentional choices.
Hiding in Plain Sight
My son didn't remove my pattern in the kitchen that day. He simply helped me see it. That's often how growth works.
We don't need to become entirely different people. We just need to notice the habits, assumptions, and stories that have been quietly running in the background.
So my invitation is simple: notice — your reactions, your assumptions, and above all, your patterns. Because once we see them, we are no longer at their mercy.