Trust First!
Why Engagement and Growth Depend on It
Three years ago, we renovated our kitchen. This isn’t the kind of thing you do often, so we decided to splurge on a gorgeous faucet.
It looked and worked just fine until this past summer, when it started to leak. Fortunately, it came with a “lifetime guarantee.”
So, we reached out to our high-end distributor who assured us the parts were on their way and all would be taken care of.
Unfortunately, two plumber visits and $900 later, we are caught in what feels like an endless loop of finger pointing, as the distributor blames the manufacturer who blames us. As of this writing, we have a kitchen faucet that does not deliver hot water.
Initially, we trusted the professionals we hired — but now we don’t.
Trust is There…
Until it Isn’t
Leadership teams also require trust.You may share a strong vision, a smart strategy, and disciplined execution, but if there’s low trust among colleagues, none of it will truly matter.
Progress is undermined, defensiveness grows, and people stay focused on self-protection rather than working together toward a shared mission.
When trust is strong, on the other hand, everything just works better. This is what I see:
People speak up instead of staying quiet.
Timely feedback is the norm, and it is welcomed.
Colleagues go the extra mile for each other because they want to.
Vulnerability isn’t viewed as weakness; everyone recognizes that it helps them learn, grow, and connect.
Team engagement is high because people are committed. They care about each other and the mission's success.
What Erodes Trust on Teams?
Trust rarely collapses suddenly. Instead, it often breaks down gradually, one slight doubt at a time. Eventually, people start to wonder: Can I really count on you? Will you tell me the truth? Will you honor your commitments? Are we in this together, or am I on my own?
One senior leader I worked with had a big issue with the way a peer was handling a project in their department. But instead of sharing his legitimate concerns with her directly, he started venting to others on the team. Once she got wind of that, she stopped being open to his feedback and collaboration. The irony was that his concerns were valid, but because he didn’t go to the source, an issue that could have been solved with one mildly uncomfortable conversation, turned into a damaged relationship and a project that drained the whole team.
I have also worked with leaders who have trouble maintaining composure when things go sideways – the deal doesn’t close, the data is disappointing, the supply chain has a hiccup. We refer to this as low stress tolerance. It often takes the form of finger pointing, strong emotional outbursts, or impulsive decisions. Over time, this behavior chips away at trust and makes people wary. They start weighing how you might respond before they bring you any bad news. Trust erodes, and people stop speaking up – they save the “real” conversations for when you’re not in the room.
Here are a few common trust-breaking patterns…
Broken promises. When people don’t do what they said they would, or they change direction without input or explanation.
Ego over team. When someone’s personal win matters more than the group’s success.
Secrets and sidebar conversations. The meetings that happen after the formal meetings because people don’t feel safe saying things out loud to the wider group.
Exclusion. When certain voices are consistently ignored or left out of key decisions.
Playing favorites. The death knell for any team. Everyone sees it – even when you think they don’t.
Each of these sends a quiet message: “It’s not safe to be honest here.” Once that message takes hold, the lack of trust takes on a life of its own.
Building (or Rebuilding) Trust
Building trust requires more than good intentions. It takes humility, consistency, and courage – something that is earned one interaction at a time.
Here’s how:
Commit to going straight to the source. Don’t vent to others about the person or situation that’s frustrating you. When people know you’ll be direct, honest, and fair with them — not talk behind their backs — they gain confidence in working with you.
Say what is true. Honesty delivered with care rebuilds credibility faster than polished, nice-to-hear messages.
Own your impact. If you have broken a trust, own it. People are willing to forgive acknowledged transgressions if someone is vulnerable enough to own them and commit to doing better.
Do what you said you would do. Reliability and consistency help people relax and start to trust again.
Invite people in. Ask questions and listen without thinking about what you want to say next. Make people feel heard and seen.
Go first. Say what needs to be said, listen even when it hurts, keep showing up with integrity (even when others don’t).
You Have to Be Brave
Rebuilding or protecting trust isn’t for the faint of heart. It takes courage to tell the truth, to admit mistakes, to hold others accountable, and to have hard conversations that might make people uncomfortable — including yourself.
Because trust doesn’t thrive in perfection; it thrives in courage.
Be brave. Everything else depends on it.