What Everyone Already Knows About You

A few months ago, I taught a 90-minute online workshop for a group of physician leaders. The topic was Emotional Intelligence.

Not everyone could be there live, so we recorded it. I wanted to review it before sharing with the missing parties, so I sat down to watch it.

Eek! It was nothing short of disturbing.

I never realized that I constantly swivel my chair while speaking (I got dizzy just watching).  Or how many facial expressions I make. Or how much I keep leaning into the camera as I speak.

So I took note and made some immediate adjustments: I now use a stationary chair when I teach on Zoom. I try to contain my emotional expression. I sit back a little further from the camera.

What’s most amazing to me is that despite having done dozens of online presentations like this in the past, I was unaware of the things I was habitually doing — things that were undoubtedly distracting to others. It wasn’t until I watched the recording that it really hit home.

And that’s why feedback is so important to personal growth and development. It’s also why collecting and sharing it is something that needs to be done regularly in every organization.

Feedback Is Often (OK, Usually) Uncomfortable

When it comes to 360 feedback, I see the same pattern over and over again among my clients. Most people jump right over the positive remarks and focus almost entirely on anything negative. Even a single disapproving comment lurking on the page can feel like barbed wire.

“Ouch! How can they say that? Don’t they know how hard I am working on the most important things?”

Well, maybe not. And, even when they do, most people are NOT willing to tell us when we are not performing at our best, even if it is hurting us in subtle — or not so subtle — ways.

Frankly, one of the reasons I ask leaders to record their talks is so they can see for themselves the specifics of how they present — specifics that others rarely share with them: too rigid, too silly, too rambly, too much movement, face like a beet, profuse sweating… the list goes on and on.

But as uncomfortable as it may be to give and to get, without feedback, there is little chance for improvement.

Three Big Benefits to Feedback

 #1. To See What Others Already See

Feedback provides an opportunity to widen our lens and see more of the whole picture. It’s a chance to take in what others readily notice about us — things we may not allow ourselves to see.

For example, Trish, the Vice President of a contract manufacturing organization, had no idea she was being overly directive and micromanaging details of her operation, despite wanting to remove herself from the day-to-day minutia of her department so she could focus on higher level issues. She had no sense of how she was being perceived or the damage she was causing. Only by reading her feedback report did it sink in.

From there, she let her team know that she heard them, shared a plan for better delegation and increased autonomy, and asked them to keep letting her know how she was doing. She didn’t change overnight. But she caught herself more frequently and better understood the impact she was having on her team. Both their engagement and productivity increased.

I often tell clients not to worry about hearing feedback (even if it hurts) because now they will finally get the chance to learn what everyone else already knows.

#2. To Get Unstuck

Feedback has the potential to shake up the way we see and do things. It’s a way to “course correct” from whatever path we are on and is necessary for real leadership improvement.

We all have goals — some intrinsic, others that are dictated to us. When our colleagues — at all levels — share what they believe we need to prioritize, it’s an opportunity. Maybe this information will lead us to change direction, lean in harder, or tweak things as necessary.

Positive or negative, it’s information we can use to do and be better in our work and in our lives overall.

#3. To Know What We Are Doing Well

Photos and videos tell the truth — the cold hard truth. They let us see the shadows, the light, and the reality of the moment. But they don’t all make us shudder. They can also surprise and delight us. Someone catches just the right angle or glimpse and we think, “Wow, that was a great shot.”

Likewise, feedback reports reveal the things you do that are having a positive impact on those around you. They highlight the ways you are supporting people, teams, and the organization that are much appreciated and that make everyone and everything better.

So, while it’s true that negative feedback can make us squirm, positive feedback — and there is almost always lots of this! — can make us stop and realize how much we contribute every day.

Don’t be in such a hurry to read about what is “wrong” with you. Spend some time, too, on the feedback page in which your raters reveal your strengths.

We All Have Blind Spots

Each of us relies on other people to tell us how we are showing up. That’s what feedback is for — to guide us, to “unstuck” us, and to remind us of the things we are doing well.

It doesn’t need to be formal, either (although a 360 assessment every two years is recommended for leaders). Watch your Zoom recordings; ask a trusted colleague to tell you how you did in a presentation or important meeting; look for proof of improvement in the things you are working on.

It's all there, provided we are willing to receive it.