What’s Your Kryptonite?

My husband, John, and I spent a wonderful 17 years living on a little farm in Chester Springs, Pennsylvania. We had goats and chickens and bunnies. It’s where our three kids grew up and it was everything we hoped for.

But… it was a lot of work to maintain. Plus, we were way out in the country. Just driving to the supermarket or the nearest ATM was an excursion.

So, when our youngest graduated high school last spring, and in the spirit of increased simplification and socialization (yea!), we traded all that for a small Victorian house in West Chester. I call it my “sidewalk house,” and I love it!

Every old house needs work (ours dates back to 1890), and this is no exception. Over these past several months, we’ve had all kinds of contractors come by to fix said old house.

That’s fine. As an Enneagram Type 2, any chance to bond with a new human is always high on my radar. This inclination is usually a good thing… except when it isn’t.
 
Because while my love of interpersonal interaction and my tendency to see the good in every person and situation can be a strength, too much can be a weakness. 
 
For example, unlike John, who is a master at considering all options and looking for what could go wrong, I have a penchant for making decisions based on positive feelings and connection. When it comes to choosing contractors (and lots of other services), I sometimes struggle to separate my feelings from business and don’t always choose optimally.

The point is, the very traits that work to my advantage can also get in the way. This is often the case in a business setting, too.
 
Consider the example of my client Holly (not her real name), who is a perfectionist (Enneagram Type 1).
 
She has high standards, good judgment, a great work ethic, is detail- and process-oriented, and is super-serious about getting the work done. Nothing wrong with that; those are terrific qualities and the reason she has been so successful in her career.

But, it also means that she can be very hard on herself and those around her. Nothing ever measures up, she has a hard time delegating (because she “knows” she can do it better), and if you work for her, she will rarely be satisfied. 

Beware of Your “Overdone Strengths”

Holly is not unusual. We all have a tendency to overdo our inherent strengths. At some point, these can turn into self-defeating patterns of behavior (“derailers”).

So, what to do? Here are three suggestions…

#1. Practice Self-Awareness.

I know, it’s easier said than done. But self-awareness is the foundation of all leadership development. People who are self-aware understand what motivates their behavior and how they impact other people.

The problem arises when we have a strength that sits below the conscious level. It often runs on autopilot and impacts what we think, feel, say, and do. Unfortunately, most of us — 85% according to some research — are not very self-aware in this way.
 
So step one is gaining this understanding (the Enneagram helps tremendously with this).

#2. Soften the Pattern.

Typically, this means taking deliberate, conscious steps to break out of our habitual behaviors and thought patterns.
 
For a perfectionist like Holly, who can be so self-critical that she overlooks the good stuff about herself and her life, I suggested she start a “gratitude journal.” Here, she can make time to observe and document the things that go well.
 
For someone like me, who cares deeply about building and maintaining relationships, I need to learn to say “no,” even if it risks disappointing someone. (Just writing that last part made me uncomfortable!)

#3. Raise your Awareness of Others.

In the workplace, of course, it’s not just about being aware of and correcting for our own “kryptonite” — we need to communicate and interact with others as well.
 
That begins with a recognition that not everyone sees the world as we do; we each have our own lens through which we view things and that motivates our behavior. If you can understand what drives people, you can stop doing things that are upsetting their apple cart.

For example, some people are highly motivated to be seen as accomplished and successful (Enneagram Type 3); the way others view them, matters. You’ll find it much easier to work with them — and they will be more satisfied — if you take time to acknowledge their effort and contribution and your desire to help them succeed. 

What to Think About

Awareness strengthens relationships, improves satisfaction, increases compassion towards others, and creates an opening to bring challenging patterns to light.

All of this allows us to grow beyond our limiting habits which, after all, is what high performance and leadership is all about.