Have Your Values Gone to the Dogs?
Every time one of my children leaves for college, we get a new dog.
It happened eight years ago when my son Johnny left. It happened again four years later when my daughter Christina left. And now, with my youngest child, Scott, set to blast off this fall, I fear that dog #3 could materialize any minute.
Why does this happen? I really don’t know. At this point, it just seems to have become a family tradition.
But it’s a problem! More dogs to care for means more vet appointments, more dietary protocols, and lots (lots) more fur in a house that already requires constant vacuuming.
Plus, one of my top values is “simplicity.” No matter how adorable and wonderful these furry creatures may be, caring for them is anything but simple.
The truth is, for a person who teaches self-awareness for a living, I often chuckle at how far I still have to go. Because if I had asked myself when our middle child left for school, “Does this decision to get a second puppy honor my value of simplicity?” the answer would have been a resounding NO!
It’s like that for all of us — we have to make decisions, big and small, every day. But sometimes, we are distracted by things that don’t fit our values.
Clear Values Lead to Simpler Choices
Values have a very important job if we’re willing to define them. When we get crystal clear on what they are and pay attention to them, they keep us on track to living and leading at our best (she says, knowing she doesn’t always).
Our values act as a custom decision tree to help us make choices aligned with what is most important to us. When that happens, not only do we make better decisions, but we are also happier and more productive.
One of the reasons I ask leaders to call out their top five or six values is so they can struggle a little less with the inevitable tough choices.
For example, a client asked, “Should I pursue a PhD in my field?” She wanted to but struggled with the thought of balancing that with her family and work commitments. Since we had already determined that learning and education were among her top values, the answer was clear. She went for it and now has a doctorate, a recent promotion, and teaches college on the side.
Or, consider the example of “Sharon,” a senior leader in a biotech startup who was struggling to deal with a handful of challenging colleagues. She reflected on how she wanted to show up, crafted her ideal leader statement, and was able to use that to successfully navigate difficult meetings and interactions.
If you are unsure what to do in any given situation, you can use your own list of values as a gauge: “Is this response… authentic, generous, patient, kind, etc.?” You have the power to fill in the blanks with what matters most to you. If your answer is no, you can reflect on how you might adjust things to honor your value(s).
This practice can be eye-opening. Sometimes, just seeing that an important value is wanting (like my value of simplicity) is the exact wake-up call you need.
Make Your List
The hardest part of any values exercise is whittling down your list, but I encourage you to try.It doesn’t have to be perfect, and you can always change it.And know that different seasons of your life will call on different values; they don’t have to be set in stone.
With that in mind, here are three ways to build your personal values list:
1. Create an Ideal Leader Statement. Think about two or three leaders you hold in high regard — someone you know or a public figure — and would like to emulate. Write down which of their traits you most admire. Use this to inform your ideal leader statement.
2. Complete the Thrive Values Inventory Exercise. Go through the values list once and highlight those that quickly resonate. Then star your top ten. Take another pass and narrow it to five or six.
3. Use a Values Assessment Tool. Think2Perform offers a free interactive tool that is fun and easy to use. Russ Harris shares his process for identifying values in his excellent book, The Confidence Gap. You might also try, The Personal Values Assessment (PVA), which offers a short and straightforward measure of determining your core values and personal belief system and a report for a small fee.
What to Think About
When I look back on decisions that didn’t work out, I often find that it was because I made a choice that conflicted with a top value.
That’s why uncovering a list of these is so useful — it is an easy form of self-feedback. By asking ourselves, “Am I living these values in my work and life?” we can see where we stand and course correct as needed.
Making decisions through this lens leads to better choices, increased happiness and, ultimately, more peace in our daily lives. In some rare cases, it results in fewer dogs.